#37393 - 04/30/09 11:17 AM
I am irrationally angry
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Jaco
Rehab
Registered: 06/19/00
Posts: 10677
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Sometimes I just get so angry!!
It only takes some small thing to set it off. This morning, for example, I got stuck behind a train for five minutes. I'm still fucking pissed off. I want to say I'm angry because it should be illegal to block major roads with trains during morning rush-hour, but I know that can't be the whole story.
This is how it progresses. It starts with a very minor frustration, but then snowballs and snowballs and snowballs until everything frustrates me in some way. The lid on my pudding will be too tight, and then when I do get that fucker off, it'll slap some pudding at me. Or the handle of my coffee mug is too big for one finger, but not big enough for two fingers. Or that bitch in the Prius in front of me is trying to turn without first changing into the turning lane.
I fume and I fume, and it lasts all day. I'm actively looking for things that piss me off so that I can be pissed off about them.
Now I'm angry because I can't say precisely what I want to say. I'm angry because my communication skills aren't what I feel they should be? My vocabulary isn't big enough? I think somebody is pointing a frustration ray at me or something.
There is a chemical in my brain that makes me feel frustrated, and the part of my brain that makes this chemical is pumping way too much out.
Waiting for a video to load, and it's "buffering" 10% 20% 30% 40% Why does it only buffer in 10% chunks? It's just counting up to ten, not to one hundred ten at a time! But then it counts back down again before playing the fucking video. And then the video is fucking choppy as all fuck. At some point the picture is just going to freeze, but the audio will keep going. And if I try to pause it stops loading. So I can't just pause, let it load, watch the video. No, that'd be too fucking straight-forward.
I'm going to punch YOU in the face.
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#37395 - 04/30/09 11:24 AM
Re: I am irrationally angry
[Re: Jaco]
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Jaco
Rehab
Registered: 06/19/00
Posts: 10677
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When I'm highlighting text in Word or elsewhere it'll try and guess what exactly I'm trying to highlight. This is specifically designed be the last fucking straw. If I highlight a word, but no the space character to the left or the right of it, I didn't intend upon highlighting the space character to the left or the right. If I want to highlight every letter of a word less the first character, that's what I want to highlight, not the whole fucking word plus the space at the end. I got fucking motor skills! I highlight the text I WANT TO FUCKING HBILGIHTLIH A: NND NOT PMORE H:KLDJN K:GHDUICUFGFUKCUFUCK
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#37396 - 04/30/09 11:27 AM
Re: I am irrationally angry
[Re: harley]
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Jaco
Rehab
Registered: 06/19/00
Posts: 10677
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I think your solution is to find more things that make you genuinely happy in life. I would only ever get into the kind of positive-feedback-anger-loop that you described when I had nothing that could cheer me up to look forward to.
I find if I begin smoking a joint, no matter how frustrated I feel, it all just drains away and I'm left feeling rather silly with myself.
Unfortunately, I can't do that at work here, so I gotta fume and otherwise be unpleasant to the people around me.
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#37397 - 04/30/09 11:41 AM
Re: I am irrationally angry
[Re: Jaco]
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Jaco
Rehab
Registered: 06/19/00
Posts: 10677
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What ever happened to browser caching? Why do you load 80% of the way, pause, and not show anything at all? Why not show the 80% that I have loaded before something started to hang? Why not just show me what the page looked like last time I loaded it, and then make changes (if any) once you've loaded again in the background. Why must you fuck with me?
Why not hash code the webpage and send me the hash code first, then I can compare the new hash code with the hash code of the page from a previous load. Then if they're the same, I don't have to download the page again, I can be sure that my cached version is correct? It's 2009 for crying out loud!
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#37398 - 04/30/09 11:42 AM
Re: I am irrationally angry
[Re: Jaco]
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Jaco
Rehab
Registered: 06/19/00
Posts: 10677
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TURN YOUR FUCKING RINGER DOWN!
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#37399 - 04/30/09 11:42 AM
Re: I am irrationally angry
[Re: Jaco]
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Jaco
Rehab
Registered: 06/19/00
Posts: 10677
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YOU WEASEL LOOKING HUSSY
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#37400 - 04/30/09 11:46 AM
Re: I am irrationally angry
[Re: Jaco]
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Jaco
Rehab
Registered: 06/19/00
Posts: 10677
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When I mouse-over the time, display the date. How can this possibly work only 75% of the time? What are you checking on before you display the fucking date? Why's it gotta be like this? Why??
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#37401 - 04/30/09 01:46 PM
Re: I am irrationally angry
[Re: Jaco]
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tA-Kane
Crack Baby
Registered: 01/30/01
Posts: 2272
Loc: Sugar Land, TX, USA
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I feel ya, Jaco. I really do.
I learned to stop being angry at everything a long time ago, it just engenders itself. So how do I do it?
I stopped caring. Punch me in the face, go ahead. I don't care. Sure, it'll hurt a fuckton. You might even break my nose and bloody me up. But let me tell you: I'd be laughing through all my sobs. I dunno why.
I'm sick with a nasty cough/cold. I don't care. I don't have a massive runny nose, so all's good. I hate runny noses. Everything else is fine.
Lid's too tight on the pudding? That's fine, I didn't want that fucking pudding anyways.
Coffee mug's handle's FUBAR? That's fine, I'll just hold it by its outside anyways. If it burns my fingers, I'll sue.
Bitch in the Prius decided to make illegal turns? No problem, if I crash into him, he can pay all my medical bills.
Train's got me stopped in the road for 5 minutes? That's awesome, I wanted to view the scenery anyways. And that meeting at work can wait for me or they can fuck off without me.
My life is actually quite unstressful this way - I don't stress over almost anything. The only times you'll catch me stressin' is if someone's hurt or could get hurt. A fire will be lit under my ass so VERY fast in those situations.
The only things that are a constant stress to me right now are my family always bitching to me about something I'm doing wrong, when in fact I'm simply doing it the right way which is not their way.
Much love,
Kane.
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#37403 - 04/30/09 02:04 PM
Re: I am irrationally angry
[Re: tA-Kane]
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Allison
Addicted
Registered: 06/30/04
Posts: 907
Loc: New York
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Kane you have got to stop drinking the afternoons
_________________________
bong hits 4 jesus
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#37412 - 05/02/09 10:25 PM
Re: I am irrationally angry
[Re: SinVulture_]
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Jaco
Rehab
Registered: 06/19/00
Posts: 10677
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Now I'm irrationally afraid. Or rather, terrified.
I had an anxiety attack today, the second in as many days. Today's would be my third ever, the first having happened almost a decade ago. Today's has lasted for hours now with the symptoms waxing and waning.
If anybody here has ever had one, let me tell you, is fucked up! I'm pretty sure the fear of having another one is the primary cause of having one in the first place. The only way I can describe it is hellish. Hellishly uncomfortable, and you can't seem to rationalize your way out of it.
I know I'm being silly. I know it's all in my head. I know it's just adrenaline, and nobody has ever died from one.
I feel like I've taken way too many mushrooms, but I'm not at all high. My palms are dripping in sweat.
I know I'm going to read this tomorrow and feel absolutely silly with myself.
I tried to donate blood on Thursday, but when they did the initial finger-prick to test your blood iron levels, I passed out. I've donated at almost 20 times before, and never once even felt faint. I haven't really felt right since then. I have this persistent feeling that I'm going to pass out, as if my brain isn't getting enough oxygen. But instead of passing out, I have a panic attack. Probably prompted by the fear that my brain isn't getting enough oxygen.
I don't know why I'm posting this here. I usually post things that concern me for you guys to read.
And yes, I intend upon making an appointment to see my doctor. See if I can't get him to agree that it's probably just stress, and try to scam some free massages. =]
I'm also unsure of how marijuana consumption plays into all of this. I've been smoking less lately and I've read that anxiety and panic attacks can occur as a withdrawal symptom. I've also read that some people who experience panic attacks feel that marijuana exacerbates their anxiety. So in the interest of science I'm going to smoke a little bit and watch a movie. Peace ya'll
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#37413 - 05/03/09 02:22 PM
Re: I am irrationally angry
[Re: SinVulture_]
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Tyr
Overdosed
Registered: 12/27/01
Posts: 5224
Loc: Lexington,KY
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I'm mad. I'm so mad! mad mad mad
that's right Devon, Embrace the hate
_________________________
"The weak die and the strong survive. If someone is too much of a pussy to put up with a little newbie hazing, we don't really need them."-Dew
"We shall rule over this land and we shall call it...this land"-Wash
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#37414 - 05/03/09 04:19 PM
Re: I am irrationally angry
[Re: Tyr]
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Allison
Addicted
Registered: 06/30/04
Posts: 907
Loc: New York
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Damien, my friend's mom had panic attacks/general anxiety disorder, and she used to smoke a little every day after work. Worked for her quite well. I've also heard medical marijuana is often given out for anxiety disorders (CA where it's legal - I believe Snoop Dogg has one for anxiety, that that for what it's worth). While marijuana can obviously produce paranoia, etc. and a host of other nasty symptoms, on the whole I don't think it can trigger panic attacks.
"I'm pretty sure the fear of having another one is the primary cause of having one in the first place."
You're right on the money with this. There's this loop (forgetting the name of it) where a person who suffers from/is prone to anxiety attacks interprets a heart flutter, sweaty palms, etc as "Oh no, I'm having an anxiety attack" and then a person begins to freak out even more, heart rate goes up, anxiety gets pumping, and anxiety attack ensues. The trick is to cut the feedback loop early. But being as I lack a doctorate in psychology, I cannot assist you further.
But I hope it works out, and good luck on the massages
_________________________
bong hits 4 jesus
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